Introduction

Here it is, the beginning of 2011. I decided to take a dive into blogging as an effort to get myself writing everyday. I love to write. I am currently working on a non-fiction book about an experience I had with the paranormal (ghost/haunting). In several writing workshops, I have been told I need to make time to write every single day, no matter what it is, in order to get myself set into a pattern. It's difficult. It is difficult to put yourself out there in an authentic and genuine way, to tell your truth, your thoughts, feelings. My book is going to be the ultimate test of putting myself out there, and risking being considered crazy or making up stories. My ego (in the Buddhist sense of the term) must dissolve in order for me to finish and publish my book.  Otherwise, I will never make it through the criticism and judgments. I keep reminding myself to stay focused on the goal, which is to reach out to others who have had a similar experience, essentially to help others.

Time management is not my thing, nor is organization. I have a million interests and not enough time. It is impossible, so unfortunately, I have to pick and choose what to spend my time on. After working a full day, I journey home, try to prepare a somewhat healthy home-cooked meal, practice the songs for my band and write new music, do some kind of work-out and then write. Unfortunately, I have to sleep too. There are so many other things I would like to fit in. Today I will be working out at probably 12:30 am. I completed my music and now to my writing. I think I need to figure out how to write music and my book in my sleep. I have actually written music in my dreams before, but I struggle on remembering the details when I wake up. If I could just figure out how to create (and remember) while asleep, I would accomplish much more, ha!

Ah dreams...they have been invading my sleeping space to the maximum the last few months. I have about 20 pages of dreams I have written down in the last two months. The most I have ever had. I believe my unconscious has some important messages for me right now. I have a whole page of recurring symbols that I've noticed in just those last two months. I try to interpret them, but it is tough. I took a Jungian dream analysis course during my undergrad studies, but it is still very difficult to understand dream symbolism. Why can't I just dream what I need to know in a straight forward manner? I guess then it wouldn't have the same depth, mystery and learning experience, would it? The universe doesn't speak that way or teach that way.

I suppose since this is an introduction, I can add a few details about myself. I moved from Iowa to Colorado at the age of 12. I had a rough childhood. I feel somewhat guilty saying that, because I always had a roof over my head and food to eat (with a little assistance from family and the government). I believe we here in the US are quite spoiled in the grand scheme of things and so stating I had a rough childhood is difficult for me, considering there are people dying in wars, children dying of starvation and disease, and things taking place across this world that seem completely unfathomable to those of us who have never experienced such things. I guess I could say I had an emotionally rough childhood. Music and writing became my best friends and helped me through the tough times. Then college kept me focused for seven more years. I obtained my master's degree in transpersonal psychology at Naropa University, which forever changed my life. I suffered through a full year of meditation, I wasn't fond of it. Sitting on a cushion, forced to be with yourself, with your thoughts in complete silence can be a rude awakening...but an awakening none the less. That is the point. I have a strong passion for the earth and the human-earth connection. I loved my ecopsych and deep ecology courses. I eventually taught the ecopsych course with another instructor at Naropa, as well as the service learning courses. I learned more about myself and other people in that time, than any other time in my life thus far. I am thankful beyond measure for the experiences I had as a student and a teacher, both of which are one and the same. The amount of compassion I witnessed was humbling beyond words. I miss teaching and I need to find a way to do it again, it is a true passion of mine, especially in ecopsych. After all, our connection and relationship to the earth defines how we treat her, how we care for her, and in turn, how she cares for us. Right now, overall, I feel our relationship to her is quite broken, and I am just as guilty as anyone (more on that in another blog).

I try to spend as much time in nature as I can. In the winter I enjoy cross-country skiing and snowshoeing. In the summer I enjoy camping and hiking Colorado's highest peaks. I also enjoy road trips and journeys to places I've never been. There are so many magical and beautiful places. I lived in the city for many years and finally decided it was not where I was happy, so I moved to the mountains. I can see the stars and milky way at night, I can hear the whispers and howls of the wind, I can hear snow fall...mountain people are very different than city people, I feel at home here.

I'm looking forward to writing here. Some of what I say may be offensive to some who read it. I can be very blunt and sometimes cuss like a sailor. I look forward to sharing thoughts, ideas and emotions. I look forward to hearing others' thoughts and opinions. Writing, whether it be poetry, music or written word, is so powerful. When we share our deepest thoughts and feelings and read those of others, we often find a deep connection in our shared humanity. And in our differences, we learn about ourselves and others, creating a mirror reflecting our own thoughts, ideas and emotions.

~Namaste~