Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Mountaintop removal mining
If you don't know what mountaintop removal is, please watch the following video:
How can any human being on this planet believe it is okay to desecrate our Earth, our planet, our home in this way? How can we be so blind and ignorant as to let this type of destruction take place? Not only is it exploding the top of a mountain off, it is altering the natural order of the environment. The coal companies may argue that mitigation can restore a mountain, how could one seriously think that is true? Even it were true, the act of removing the top of a mountain and letting the resulting debris pollute the rivers, air and streams is not acceptable. You can't reverse that.
I love the mountains. I could not even fathom the idea of having a mountain that I live near or hike at to be ruined like this. How can we cut down forests and take the homes of wildlife? How would you like it if someone came to your house and bulldozed it down to mine what's underneath it? Why do we think it is okay to do that to other living things? Because we've come to view the Earth and environment as a resource and nothing more. While mountaintop removal might not be happening right outside of our own doors, think about the people who do live in these areas and whose landscapes are being forever altered and destroyed. I understand that as a species on this planet, that we must use natural resources for our survival. However, we are consuming way more than we need, without thinking about the impact, without realizing that our planet is a delicate system that when altered in small ways has huge negative effects. Further, with all the technology out there, there is no reason for us to destroy our Earth in this way simply to provide electricity to our homes.
Watching this video makes my cry. Not only is it devastating to see the effects we are having on our planet, but also knowing that I am responsible for it at some level.
The sad thing is, most of us don't even know about this, and if we do, we do nothing to change it. We have the power to change the way things are done, we just have to fight, voice our opinion and make change happen by the way we spend our money and through our own actions. In this society of consumerism, money talks. "Society" and corporations will adapt to what the people want, but we have to educate ourselves about such things as mountaintop removal and change our own actions. If we won't buy coal-powered electricity, companies will eventually stop producing it. Our money is power. Your home could be powered by the coal that came directly from this horrible mining procedure. In many cases, you have the power (pun intended) to can change that: How to Buy Green Power and Electricity. Another troubling thought is that is some areas, it costs much more to purchase green energy, so those who are barely scraping by to pay their bills may not have this as an option. I think it is awful that this is even an issue in this country, but that's a whole other topic. Still, for most of us, just a simple and minor change in our spending can allow us to buy green energy.
Quite frankly, I can't live with myself, knowing that each time I turn the light on, I might be contributing to the destruction of something I love more than anything, and something that we are losing at unprecedented rates - wilderness, forests, mountains, streams, wildlife, the list goes on. It isn't right to leave future generations with a planet that is in worse condition than when we were here. Sadly, just a few years ago, I had no idea that such devastation happened. Most of us don't realize what an enormous impact we make when we do something as seemingly harmless as turning on the lights in our own homes. I know one thing. I have some work to do to figure out what changes I need to make until I can somehow afford or figure out how to go off the grid entirely.
Friday, January 21, 2011
The American Dream
Shonna's rant on the idea of the "American Dream."
Today I began thinking about where I'm going to go when my house sells. Part of me wants to stay where I am. I'm happy in the mountains, in my neighborhood, close to nature. Another part of me is sick everyday with the amount of money I'm throwing away. My mortgage is $1500/month. How much of that goes to pay off the loan? $300/month. How much goes to the bank for interest? $1200. $1200 a month! And I've been in my house for more than five years. This is the shit they don't tell you when we as US citizens are urged to buy a home. Why the fuck would I want to work my ass off for the next 30 years to give over $100,000 of my hard earned money to the bank? End up paying nearly $400,000 for a house that cost just over $200,000? It's absurd and I even have a low, fixed interest rate. I will NEVER do it again.
Then I got to thinking about how much I hate "the system." "Society" tends to brainwash us all, making us believe we need to buy a house, get married, have kids, buy all of these expensive things, have one job forever, have a full-time job so we can have health insurance, blah bla blah bla blah. It's frustrating for those of us who don't want to fit into that mold. And then people start to question you. Are you going to have kids? Are you ever going to get married? Are you ever going to "settle down." I live one life. One! I want to live it the way I want to live it. I don't want to work my ass off to give most of my money to a bank who in turn has to borrow bailout tax dollars from the government and taxpayers just to keep from going under. How is that even possible? How did all of these banks go "bankrupt" when they rob us everyday of our hard-earned cash? Hmm, probably because their CEO's make millions. I guess I should back up and realize those who took a mortgage loan that ends up being around 50% interest was a personal decision. That little 5 or 6 percent interest turns into nearly the entire cost of what you bought your house for over the course of the entire loan, oftentimes doubling what you paid for it. But, no one bothers to inform or protect us "consumers." After all, doing so would ruin the system that is dependent on consumption and spending money. It's just frustrating that my house is now worth less and less due to foreclosures, because others couldn't pay their loans, because banks gave awful loans that should have never been given. It's all absurd and I really don't want anything to do with the absurdity anymore. In a sense, I only have myself to blame, which is why I'm trying to make a change, a big change.
I've learned not to buy anything unless I can pay it off or put a large payment down. Yes, I paid for my car outright. I lived in a house with five adult roommates for several years so I could save money. And as a little side note, I find it funny that our neighbors threatened to turn us in to the authorities for having too many people living in our house. I can't believe there are rules about how many people can live in a home. I suppose at some point it is a safety issue, but isn't that our own business and responsibility? We were trying to be smart, save money and it's against someone's "rules." Yes, there were five of us grown adults living in one house. What a crime! I'm sure if I had lived with a husband and had three little kiddos it would have been absolutely fine and acceptable. Still five human beings, but that's okay. It had it's drawbacks, but we each paid $200/month for everything. I still worked, saved and bought my car outright, saving thousands of dollars that would have went to the bank had I taken a loan on it. I try my best to really think about every purchase I make. I try not to pay for anything that I don't really need. I don't have cable, I don't have an mp3 player, a book reader and my cell phone is ancient. I never purchased a stereo, a tv or a dvd player. I ended up getting these things as gifts. I wish I had nicer guitars and better gear, but it is so expensive, I get what I need to get by. For me, I would rather have my freedom to work when I want and be able to do what I want without being dependent upon an income, a job. My freedom to do what I want is way more important to me than getting myself in debt by buying expensive things I don't really need. Money and material items do not equal happiness. Some things do make life easier and more enjoyable. There's nothing wrong with buying things, but there is something wrong with getting in so much debt that one's life is completely dependent upon a job and living pay check to pay check or depending on the government because we never learned to manage our money or curb our spending. Of course, our society runs on consumerism, so we are often pushed to buy, buy, buy, to where we don't even really question what we're really spending and how it will impact us.
Which brings me to a story I read about this awesome woman who lives in an 84-sq foot house:
http://www.katu.com/news/local/8499817.html
I'm so inspired by her and her simple way of living. A $6 utility bill and no mortgage. A part-time job, the freedom to go where you want, when you want, not tied down to anything. Sounds awesome to me. I don't know if I could live in an 84sq foot house, but I could definitely do a couple hundred square feet I think. I'm seriously contemplating the idea of a nice tiny little pre-fab home, preferably something completely sustainable with solar power and a green house to grow food. I think I could save money for something like that and nearly pay for it outright. My freedom is very important, and in my opinion, our government has a way of molding everyone into one ideal image of what a good American is supposed to be. Not for me. If I want to leave and tour with a band, I want to be able to do so without being tied down. If I want to write books and take my time and not depend on an advance or deal with deadlines, I want to do that. If I want to up and leave and go live somewhere else, I want to be able to do that. Maybe even go back to school or volunteer my time to help those in need. While I'm sure the American Dream works for a lot of people, I am not one of them. I don't want to work day in and day out to pay $1500/month just for a roof over my head. Ridiculous. Even though I didn't start out that way, I ended up the only one left with the house and here I am. I don't want to pay hundreds of dollars for cable and other forms of entertainment. I have plenty of things to entertain myself with that cost little to nothing. In fact, I can't even find the time for all of it. Hanging with friends, writing, making music, hiking, enjoying nature. I'm not trying to knock down anyone's lifestyle or way of living. I just think it is important to education oneself, question things now and then and to live your life the way you want (you only get one) and most importantly do what makes you happy! And I mean truly happy, not the happiness that the media tries to sell us. Not happiness that someone else imposes, or is based on some belief of what we are supposed to be or how we are supposed to live our lives, but authentic to the self happiness.
Today I began thinking about where I'm going to go when my house sells. Part of me wants to stay where I am. I'm happy in the mountains, in my neighborhood, close to nature. Another part of me is sick everyday with the amount of money I'm throwing away. My mortgage is $1500/month. How much of that goes to pay off the loan? $300/month. How much goes to the bank for interest? $1200. $1200 a month! And I've been in my house for more than five years. This is the shit they don't tell you when we as US citizens are urged to buy a home. Why the fuck would I want to work my ass off for the next 30 years to give over $100,000 of my hard earned money to the bank? End up paying nearly $400,000 for a house that cost just over $200,000? It's absurd and I even have a low, fixed interest rate. I will NEVER do it again.
Then I got to thinking about how much I hate "the system." "Society" tends to brainwash us all, making us believe we need to buy a house, get married, have kids, buy all of these expensive things, have one job forever, have a full-time job so we can have health insurance, blah bla blah bla blah. It's frustrating for those of us who don't want to fit into that mold. And then people start to question you. Are you going to have kids? Are you ever going to get married? Are you ever going to "settle down." I live one life. One! I want to live it the way I want to live it. I don't want to work my ass off to give most of my money to a bank who in turn has to borrow bailout tax dollars from the government and taxpayers just to keep from going under. How is that even possible? How did all of these banks go "bankrupt" when they rob us everyday of our hard-earned cash? Hmm, probably because their CEO's make millions. I guess I should back up and realize those who took a mortgage loan that ends up being around 50% interest was a personal decision. That little 5 or 6 percent interest turns into nearly the entire cost of what you bought your house for over the course of the entire loan, oftentimes doubling what you paid for it. But, no one bothers to inform or protect us "consumers." After all, doing so would ruin the system that is dependent on consumption and spending money. It's just frustrating that my house is now worth less and less due to foreclosures, because others couldn't pay their loans, because banks gave awful loans that should have never been given. It's all absurd and I really don't want anything to do with the absurdity anymore. In a sense, I only have myself to blame, which is why I'm trying to make a change, a big change.
I've learned not to buy anything unless I can pay it off or put a large payment down. Yes, I paid for my car outright. I lived in a house with five adult roommates for several years so I could save money. And as a little side note, I find it funny that our neighbors threatened to turn us in to the authorities for having too many people living in our house. I can't believe there are rules about how many people can live in a home. I suppose at some point it is a safety issue, but isn't that our own business and responsibility? We were trying to be smart, save money and it's against someone's "rules." Yes, there were five of us grown adults living in one house. What a crime! I'm sure if I had lived with a husband and had three little kiddos it would have been absolutely fine and acceptable. Still five human beings, but that's okay. It had it's drawbacks, but we each paid $200/month for everything. I still worked, saved and bought my car outright, saving thousands of dollars that would have went to the bank had I taken a loan on it. I try my best to really think about every purchase I make. I try not to pay for anything that I don't really need. I don't have cable, I don't have an mp3 player, a book reader and my cell phone is ancient. I never purchased a stereo, a tv or a dvd player. I ended up getting these things as gifts. I wish I had nicer guitars and better gear, but it is so expensive, I get what I need to get by. For me, I would rather have my freedom to work when I want and be able to do what I want without being dependent upon an income, a job. My freedom to do what I want is way more important to me than getting myself in debt by buying expensive things I don't really need. Money and material items do not equal happiness. Some things do make life easier and more enjoyable. There's nothing wrong with buying things, but there is something wrong with getting in so much debt that one's life is completely dependent upon a job and living pay check to pay check or depending on the government because we never learned to manage our money or curb our spending. Of course, our society runs on consumerism, so we are often pushed to buy, buy, buy, to where we don't even really question what we're really spending and how it will impact us.
Which brings me to a story I read about this awesome woman who lives in an 84-sq foot house:
http://www.katu.com/news/local/8499817.html
I'm so inspired by her and her simple way of living. A $6 utility bill and no mortgage. A part-time job, the freedom to go where you want, when you want, not tied down to anything. Sounds awesome to me. I don't know if I could live in an 84sq foot house, but I could definitely do a couple hundred square feet I think. I'm seriously contemplating the idea of a nice tiny little pre-fab home, preferably something completely sustainable with solar power and a green house to grow food. I think I could save money for something like that and nearly pay for it outright. My freedom is very important, and in my opinion, our government has a way of molding everyone into one ideal image of what a good American is supposed to be. Not for me. If I want to leave and tour with a band, I want to be able to do so without being tied down. If I want to write books and take my time and not depend on an advance or deal with deadlines, I want to do that. If I want to up and leave and go live somewhere else, I want to be able to do that. Maybe even go back to school or volunteer my time to help those in need. While I'm sure the American Dream works for a lot of people, I am not one of them. I don't want to work day in and day out to pay $1500/month just for a roof over my head. Ridiculous. Even though I didn't start out that way, I ended up the only one left with the house and here I am. I don't want to pay hundreds of dollars for cable and other forms of entertainment. I have plenty of things to entertain myself with that cost little to nothing. In fact, I can't even find the time for all of it. Hanging with friends, writing, making music, hiking, enjoying nature. I'm not trying to knock down anyone's lifestyle or way of living. I just think it is important to education oneself, question things now and then and to live your life the way you want (you only get one) and most importantly do what makes you happy! And I mean truly happy, not the happiness that the media tries to sell us. Not happiness that someone else imposes, or is based on some belief of what we are supposed to be or how we are supposed to live our lives, but authentic to the self happiness.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Highway 93 in my rear-view mirror
My day started as most days. I headed down the canyon on my way to work, running a little late as always. About half way down, I came up to a line of cars behind a slow-moving truck. Several people passed us on the narrow winding road. I kept my patience and stayed behind, reminding myself occasionally not to tailgate, and reminding myself that passing on a winding mountain road is not safe and worth the extra few seconds it might get me ahead. Maybe the person was unfamiliar with the road, I'm sure I went slow up and down the canyon until I became familiar with it. Suddenly, two deer pop up next to the road and run in front of us. Everyone was going slow enough behind the truck to stop safely. I reminded myself it was likely a good thing that the we were all going slower than we normally would be behind the slow driver. We may have avoided a collision with the deer. Everyone was paying attention and we stopped as the deer crossed. As the line of cars continued on the road as the canyon highway straightens out, several more drivers zoom irritatedly by in the left lane. The driver of the truck was going at least the speed limit at all times now, even over at times. Even though I had the urge to pass, there really was no reason, so I kept calm and stayed behind.
Now at the stoplight at the intersection of highway 93, I stop at the red light, yes, a little relieved that the driver of the truck was heading the opposite direction of myself. Yes, I like to drive fast, and they wouldn't be in my way. I turned left onto the highway as the light changed to green. I noticed a car coming toward me in the distance, moving pretty quickly. I still had plenty of time to make my left turn. I went. I had a feeling I should check for the driver to make sure they were not merging on the highway. But I didn't. My mistake. With little space left on the merge lane, I finally looked over to see the car almost beside me. I didn't think slowing down would be the proper response, since the car was still slightly behind me. I sped up to make some room between us and get out of the way. As I look in my rear-view mirror, I notice the car still hasn't merged onto the highway. They are still driving on the side of the road, at about 60mph. "What the hell," I think to myself. I hope I haven't pissed this person off, thinking that I purposefully cut them off or didn't allow them on the highway in front of me. That really wasn't the case at all. I became anxious. Were they trying to catch up to me, to the side of the car?
Suddenly, the car starts swerving moderately behind me. There is snow and slush on the side of the road and it was obvious that the driver lost control of their car. I watched in horror as the car rocked from side to side, swerving erratically. The swerving became more intense and the car is literally fishtailing and swerving back and forth across the entire lane and finally into the other lane. It didn't appear that the person tried to slow down at all. They were coming forward still swerving out of control across the highway. I screamed and cringed thinking the car was going to roll or that someone on the highway would surely have a collision with the out-of-control car. Thoughts ran through my mind that this was all my fault. Even though I didn't intentionally speed up to block the car from merging onto the highway, I figured that is what the driver thought. I figured this was a classic case of road rage that went terribly wrong. As I watched the car, in what seemed like slow motion, careen across the highway, all I could think was "please don't let this person die, as I would blame myself." Now, I know that a person is responsible for their own actions, but the thoughts came anyway. What if I had not been there at that precise moment? Maybe none of this would have ever taken place. Why did I have such patience behind the other driver? For if I had passed him, I wouldn't be dealing with this situation, I would be farther ahead. "No, No, No," I cried. Finally the car stopped parallel in the middle of the two-lane highway, blocking both lanes of traffic. Somehow, all traffic stopped and avoided an accident. It was truly a miracle in my eyes, as I witnessed each move in my rear-view mirror.
Relieved, I continued on, but continuously looking back. The driver went in reverse, got the car back in the proper lane and went forward again as if nothing had happened. Now I'm assuming that the person is so pissed, they may just drive next to me and cap my ass. I watch as the driver gets closer and closer. I noticed that they didn't seem to be speeding in an attempt to catch up to me. I was dumbfounded by what I had witness and seriously telling myself, "if I die here, it's meant to be." I finally come up to an intersection with a stoplight on the highway. The light was green, so I continued through, probably much faster than I should have. There is a long turn lane to the right for those turning on the highway that heads east. The car finally catches up and gets in the turn lane.
I watch every move to see if they are turning, or coming up beside me to do who knows what, after all, they probably believed the whole near-death incident was all my fault and probably even more pissed than they were after the initial incident. I tried to keep my cool and see the driver, but the car was so covered in that winter time dirt and dust that I couldn't even see in the car at all. I just waited to see what they were going to do as I continued on. We went through the light and the driver did not turn, they stayed in the turn lane and kept forward, just slightly behind and to the right of me. What happened next blew my mind. They stayed driving in the shoulder again. Here comes the snow and slush and the exact thing happens again! The car slowly starts rocking back and forth a little and then gradually the swerves get longer and bigger and the driver is out of control again, never seeming to slow down at all. Now I'm not so sympathetic or feeling guilty anymore. Anyone who does this shit twice has some serious issues. This time, as I witness what seems completely unreal, time seemed to slow down. I hear myself scream as a huge concrete truck in the other lane heads straight toward the careening car. The car swerves in front of it and somehow, the truck stops, as do all the cars behind it and no one crashes. The car then swerves behind the concrete truck and comes to a stop, again facing east to west on a north to south highway. I watched another miracle. Now I have no idea what to think. Once again, the car backs up and gets back in the lane, just like before. I assume I'm still really in for it if this driver catches up to me again. Sure enough a few seconds later, I see the same dim, dingy headlights coming toward me as if nothing happened, driving normally. Now I'm not sure if this person is drunk, has a death wish, has road rage, is high on something, or what is going on. I cannot believe what I had witnessed, twice! Most notably, it was a complete miracle for someone to swerve back and forth on a two lane highway and not cause a single collision. I believe the other drivers could probably see the erratic vehicle and prepare to stop, because the car was literally swerving for several seconds each time before coming to a complete stop in the middle of the two lanes. I hope someone was able to get a license number or something. There was nothing I could do as I witnessed all of this in my rear-view mirror.
Finally, and once again, the car proceeds closer and closer to me, again as if nothing happened. They didn't appear to be chasing me, unless their car just wasn't fast enough. I continued to watch as more traffic separated us. Another stoplight, another right turn lane, and again, the driver drives right through the intersection in a lane that was meant for a right turn. Now I just assume this person is seriously ill or intoxicated, but it's very odd that they were able to drive normally and at high speeds until a damn right turn lane came up. Now we were in town and I eventually lost the person in the traffic. They could have easily caught up with me now, but didn't, so I am left dumbfounded at what happened and extremely happy that no one collided and no one was killed. I could seriously almost feel the angels watching over the scene as it all happened. It took several hours for me to calm down. I'll never know what was going through that person's mind or what caused the bizarre behavior. I guess I'm just thankful that every little thing happened as it did, since one minor change in where each car was placed on that highway this morning would have likely resulted in something horrendous. And even though it was not my fault, I would have likely always blamed a part of it on myself had someone have been injured or killed.
Driving is definitely a privilege that we all take for granted and we often don't think about how one minor move, can change our lives forever. So many people don't pay attention while driving or drive way too fast, including myself. We often fail to recognize the responsibility we have to ourselves and to others when we are behind the wheel. I was certainly reminded of that several times on my drive to work today. I hold a great gratitude that I witnessed a miracle in which no one was hurt in what should have twice been a complete disaster.
Now at the stoplight at the intersection of highway 93, I stop at the red light, yes, a little relieved that the driver of the truck was heading the opposite direction of myself. Yes, I like to drive fast, and they wouldn't be in my way. I turned left onto the highway as the light changed to green. I noticed a car coming toward me in the distance, moving pretty quickly. I still had plenty of time to make my left turn. I went. I had a feeling I should check for the driver to make sure they were not merging on the highway. But I didn't. My mistake. With little space left on the merge lane, I finally looked over to see the car almost beside me. I didn't think slowing down would be the proper response, since the car was still slightly behind me. I sped up to make some room between us and get out of the way. As I look in my rear-view mirror, I notice the car still hasn't merged onto the highway. They are still driving on the side of the road, at about 60mph. "What the hell," I think to myself. I hope I haven't pissed this person off, thinking that I purposefully cut them off or didn't allow them on the highway in front of me. That really wasn't the case at all. I became anxious. Were they trying to catch up to me, to the side of the car?
Suddenly, the car starts swerving moderately behind me. There is snow and slush on the side of the road and it was obvious that the driver lost control of their car. I watched in horror as the car rocked from side to side, swerving erratically. The swerving became more intense and the car is literally fishtailing and swerving back and forth across the entire lane and finally into the other lane. It didn't appear that the person tried to slow down at all. They were coming forward still swerving out of control across the highway. I screamed and cringed thinking the car was going to roll or that someone on the highway would surely have a collision with the out-of-control car. Thoughts ran through my mind that this was all my fault. Even though I didn't intentionally speed up to block the car from merging onto the highway, I figured that is what the driver thought. I figured this was a classic case of road rage that went terribly wrong. As I watched the car, in what seemed like slow motion, careen across the highway, all I could think was "please don't let this person die, as I would blame myself." Now, I know that a person is responsible for their own actions, but the thoughts came anyway. What if I had not been there at that precise moment? Maybe none of this would have ever taken place. Why did I have such patience behind the other driver? For if I had passed him, I wouldn't be dealing with this situation, I would be farther ahead. "No, No, No," I cried. Finally the car stopped parallel in the middle of the two-lane highway, blocking both lanes of traffic. Somehow, all traffic stopped and avoided an accident. It was truly a miracle in my eyes, as I witnessed each move in my rear-view mirror.
Relieved, I continued on, but continuously looking back. The driver went in reverse, got the car back in the proper lane and went forward again as if nothing had happened. Now I'm assuming that the person is so pissed, they may just drive next to me and cap my ass. I watch as the driver gets closer and closer. I noticed that they didn't seem to be speeding in an attempt to catch up to me. I was dumbfounded by what I had witness and seriously telling myself, "if I die here, it's meant to be." I finally come up to an intersection with a stoplight on the highway. The light was green, so I continued through, probably much faster than I should have. There is a long turn lane to the right for those turning on the highway that heads east. The car finally catches up and gets in the turn lane.
I watch every move to see if they are turning, or coming up beside me to do who knows what, after all, they probably believed the whole near-death incident was all my fault and probably even more pissed than they were after the initial incident. I tried to keep my cool and see the driver, but the car was so covered in that winter time dirt and dust that I couldn't even see in the car at all. I just waited to see what they were going to do as I continued on. We went through the light and the driver did not turn, they stayed in the turn lane and kept forward, just slightly behind and to the right of me. What happened next blew my mind. They stayed driving in the shoulder again. Here comes the snow and slush and the exact thing happens again! The car slowly starts rocking back and forth a little and then gradually the swerves get longer and bigger and the driver is out of control again, never seeming to slow down at all. Now I'm not so sympathetic or feeling guilty anymore. Anyone who does this shit twice has some serious issues. This time, as I witness what seems completely unreal, time seemed to slow down. I hear myself scream as a huge concrete truck in the other lane heads straight toward the careening car. The car swerves in front of it and somehow, the truck stops, as do all the cars behind it and no one crashes. The car then swerves behind the concrete truck and comes to a stop, again facing east to west on a north to south highway. I watched another miracle. Now I have no idea what to think. Once again, the car backs up and gets back in the lane, just like before. I assume I'm still really in for it if this driver catches up to me again. Sure enough a few seconds later, I see the same dim, dingy headlights coming toward me as if nothing happened, driving normally. Now I'm not sure if this person is drunk, has a death wish, has road rage, is high on something, or what is going on. I cannot believe what I had witnessed, twice! Most notably, it was a complete miracle for someone to swerve back and forth on a two lane highway and not cause a single collision. I believe the other drivers could probably see the erratic vehicle and prepare to stop, because the car was literally swerving for several seconds each time before coming to a complete stop in the middle of the two lanes. I hope someone was able to get a license number or something. There was nothing I could do as I witnessed all of this in my rear-view mirror.
Finally, and once again, the car proceeds closer and closer to me, again as if nothing happened. They didn't appear to be chasing me, unless their car just wasn't fast enough. I continued to watch as more traffic separated us. Another stoplight, another right turn lane, and again, the driver drives right through the intersection in a lane that was meant for a right turn. Now I just assume this person is seriously ill or intoxicated, but it's very odd that they were able to drive normally and at high speeds until a damn right turn lane came up. Now we were in town and I eventually lost the person in the traffic. They could have easily caught up with me now, but didn't, so I am left dumbfounded at what happened and extremely happy that no one collided and no one was killed. I could seriously almost feel the angels watching over the scene as it all happened. It took several hours for me to calm down. I'll never know what was going through that person's mind or what caused the bizarre behavior. I guess I'm just thankful that every little thing happened as it did, since one minor change in where each car was placed on that highway this morning would have likely resulted in something horrendous. And even though it was not my fault, I would have likely always blamed a part of it on myself had someone have been injured or killed.
Driving is definitely a privilege that we all take for granted and we often don't think about how one minor move, can change our lives forever. So many people don't pay attention while driving or drive way too fast, including myself. We often fail to recognize the responsibility we have to ourselves and to others when we are behind the wheel. I was certainly reminded of that several times on my drive to work today. I hold a great gratitude that I witnessed a miracle in which no one was hurt in what should have twice been a complete disaster.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Dreams
Dreams have always been a big part of my life. I've had a few instances when dreams I had predicted future events. No, they didn't predict any major world event or some catastrophe, but rather small incidences in my life. I've had many recurring dreams throughout my life. I've had simultaneous dreams with other people. I've gone to amazing magical, enchanted places and also to the depths of hell. I've taken dream interpretation courses and I've read many books on the subject.
Today I woke up "on the wrong side of the bed" to say the least. Mornings have never been my best time of the day, but today there was a special annoyance to everything from the moment I got out of bed. I had a piss poor attitude to say the least. As I walked out to my car, I reflected on the fact that it was kind of odd. I rarely wake up in a bad mood, let alone the awful mood I was in this morning, especially for no apparent reason. In fact, I can't recall a time I've ever just woken up that way. My bad days don't usually begin the moment I wake up. I shrugged it off and tried to get myself in a better mood. I drove to work. I got to my office and realized I was extremely tired. There was really no reason for me to be as tired as I was. It was out of the ordinary, I got a decent amount of sleep. As the day went on, it just got worse. Little things kept happening that were just annoying. Why is it that when we have a bad day, it seems everything goes wrong? Is it the energy we create from having a few things go wrong that escalates and causes other things to go wrong? Is it simply perspective based on our mood? Is it all just coincidence?
As the day progressed, my tiredness did not go away. In fact, I ended up feeling dizzy and extremely fatigued a few times throughout the day. A headache would come and go. This is very unusual for me. During a phone call I explained how awful I felt. Nothing was "wrong" that I could define. I didn't really feel sick, I just couldn't focus and was very tired. Plain out "blah." Still, I couldn't find anything that would explain why I felt this way. The person on the other line asked if I had bad dreams. I thought for a moment, but didn't remember dreaming last night. "No," I replied.
About a half hour later, it all came back to me (how does that happen, when we forget a dream all day and suddenly it comes back, seemingly out of no where?). Sometimes I will forget a dream and something will remind me of it later in the day, like seeing one of the symbols in waking life. But this was just, "poof" and there it was in my memory, as I was working and concentrating on something else.
Wow, the dream was intense. It was one of those dreams where you physically feel it. Unfortunately, this was not a good dream. I recall being in a barren lot, something similar to where there might be a flea market. There were a lot of people and I remember seeing empty run down buildings here and there, such as restrooms and old storage buildings. For some reason, there were many people gathered here, as if waiting for something. Suddenly, a voice comes over a speaker and explains that there is going to be a nuclear blast. The man explains that it will be brief and it shouldn't hurt too bad, but to brace and protect ourselves as much as possible by kneeling in a ball and covering as much of our bodies as we could.
There was a blinding bright flash and a wave of energy came rushing through the lot. I had found myself huddled behind a metal wall or barricade of some sort. I braced myself. I heard a voice say it was going to be painful and screaming may help ease the pain. I heard a string of people screaming, as the wave worked its way through all the people. It came to me and another blinding flash. The only way I can describe the feeling was as if being shocked from head to toe, but different. This is the closest feeling I can relate it to. There was a high pitched ringing, that permeated my whole being. It was the most awful feeling I've ever felt. All other sound was muffled by the ringing and I screamed just to see if I could hear myself, to see if I had survived. It was horrible. It lasted only a few seconds and slowly, I could hear and see again. People began walking around, collecting themselves and going about their business. I was with a few other people and started walking around the dirt lot, looking for a restroom. Each one that I found was closed up and empty. I finally found an open one and recall looking at myself in the mirror to see if I was OK.
So, after remembering this dream, I couldn't help but wonder if there was a correlation between the way I physically felt today and the dream I had. I've read many theories about dreams, but I have no answers. There are so many theories. Could the dream have drained my energy/soul as it traveled through space while I was dreaming (astral travel)? Maybe my unconscious knew I wasn't physically well and so created the dream in response? Did the dream interrupted my sleep and therefore cause the fatigue from lack of sleep? At any rate, I thought it was interesting, simply due to the nature of the dream and the way I felt. I haven't had a dream like this in quite some time. In fact, I've never had a dream involving nuclear radiation. I have had many dreams of tornadoes, where I have felt the physical pressure/suction and pull on my body. Those are awful too, but the only similar type of dream I've had where I have such an intense physical sensation. Oh, and then there are dreams when you are falling or flying and the physical sensations are pretty intense then too. I can't help but wonder what makes these dreams so realistic and so physical. What do they mean and can they impact your physical or spiritual being? Then again, I could just be coming down with a bug or something and it's just a coincidence that I had a bizarre dream at the same time. I'm skeptical. However, I do know some people who would tell me this is a serious dream and that I need to protect and re-energize my self and that my soul did experience some kind of trauma. Other people would tell me it's mere coincidence. I'm kind of holding a middle ground on this. Either way, dreams fascinate me and this one has especially caught my attention.
Today I woke up "on the wrong side of the bed" to say the least. Mornings have never been my best time of the day, but today there was a special annoyance to everything from the moment I got out of bed. I had a piss poor attitude to say the least. As I walked out to my car, I reflected on the fact that it was kind of odd. I rarely wake up in a bad mood, let alone the awful mood I was in this morning, especially for no apparent reason. In fact, I can't recall a time I've ever just woken up that way. My bad days don't usually begin the moment I wake up. I shrugged it off and tried to get myself in a better mood. I drove to work. I got to my office and realized I was extremely tired. There was really no reason for me to be as tired as I was. It was out of the ordinary, I got a decent amount of sleep. As the day went on, it just got worse. Little things kept happening that were just annoying. Why is it that when we have a bad day, it seems everything goes wrong? Is it the energy we create from having a few things go wrong that escalates and causes other things to go wrong? Is it simply perspective based on our mood? Is it all just coincidence?
As the day progressed, my tiredness did not go away. In fact, I ended up feeling dizzy and extremely fatigued a few times throughout the day. A headache would come and go. This is very unusual for me. During a phone call I explained how awful I felt. Nothing was "wrong" that I could define. I didn't really feel sick, I just couldn't focus and was very tired. Plain out "blah." Still, I couldn't find anything that would explain why I felt this way. The person on the other line asked if I had bad dreams. I thought for a moment, but didn't remember dreaming last night. "No," I replied.
About a half hour later, it all came back to me (how does that happen, when we forget a dream all day and suddenly it comes back, seemingly out of no where?). Sometimes I will forget a dream and something will remind me of it later in the day, like seeing one of the symbols in waking life. But this was just, "poof" and there it was in my memory, as I was working and concentrating on something else.
Wow, the dream was intense. It was one of those dreams where you physically feel it. Unfortunately, this was not a good dream. I recall being in a barren lot, something similar to where there might be a flea market. There were a lot of people and I remember seeing empty run down buildings here and there, such as restrooms and old storage buildings. For some reason, there were many people gathered here, as if waiting for something. Suddenly, a voice comes over a speaker and explains that there is going to be a nuclear blast. The man explains that it will be brief and it shouldn't hurt too bad, but to brace and protect ourselves as much as possible by kneeling in a ball and covering as much of our bodies as we could.
There was a blinding bright flash and a wave of energy came rushing through the lot. I had found myself huddled behind a metal wall or barricade of some sort. I braced myself. I heard a voice say it was going to be painful and screaming may help ease the pain. I heard a string of people screaming, as the wave worked its way through all the people. It came to me and another blinding flash. The only way I can describe the feeling was as if being shocked from head to toe, but different. This is the closest feeling I can relate it to. There was a high pitched ringing, that permeated my whole being. It was the most awful feeling I've ever felt. All other sound was muffled by the ringing and I screamed just to see if I could hear myself, to see if I had survived. It was horrible. It lasted only a few seconds and slowly, I could hear and see again. People began walking around, collecting themselves and going about their business. I was with a few other people and started walking around the dirt lot, looking for a restroom. Each one that I found was closed up and empty. I finally found an open one and recall looking at myself in the mirror to see if I was OK.
So, after remembering this dream, I couldn't help but wonder if there was a correlation between the way I physically felt today and the dream I had. I've read many theories about dreams, but I have no answers. There are so many theories. Could the dream have drained my energy/soul as it traveled through space while I was dreaming (astral travel)? Maybe my unconscious knew I wasn't physically well and so created the dream in response? Did the dream interrupted my sleep and therefore cause the fatigue from lack of sleep? At any rate, I thought it was interesting, simply due to the nature of the dream and the way I felt. I haven't had a dream like this in quite some time. In fact, I've never had a dream involving nuclear radiation. I have had many dreams of tornadoes, where I have felt the physical pressure/suction and pull on my body. Those are awful too, but the only similar type of dream I've had where I have such an intense physical sensation. Oh, and then there are dreams when you are falling or flying and the physical sensations are pretty intense then too. I can't help but wonder what makes these dreams so realistic and so physical. What do they mean and can they impact your physical or spiritual being? Then again, I could just be coming down with a bug or something and it's just a coincidence that I had a bizarre dream at the same time. I'm skeptical. However, I do know some people who would tell me this is a serious dream and that I need to protect and re-energize my self and that my soul did experience some kind of trauma. Other people would tell me it's mere coincidence. I'm kind of holding a middle ground on this. Either way, dreams fascinate me and this one has especially caught my attention.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Introduction
Here it is, the beginning of 2011. I decided to take a dive into blogging as an effort to get myself writing everyday. I love to write. I am currently working on a non-fiction book about an experience I had with the paranormal (ghost/haunting). In several writing workshops, I have been told I need to make time to write every single day, no matter what it is, in order to get myself set into a pattern. It's difficult. It is difficult to put yourself out there in an authentic and genuine way, to tell your truth, your thoughts, feelings. My book is going to be the ultimate test of putting myself out there, and risking being considered crazy or making up stories. My ego (in the Buddhist sense of the term) must dissolve in order for me to finish and publish my book. Otherwise, I will never make it through the criticism and judgments. I keep reminding myself to stay focused on the goal, which is to reach out to others who have had a similar experience, essentially to help others.
Time management is not my thing, nor is organization. I have a million interests and not enough time. It is impossible, so unfortunately, I have to pick and choose what to spend my time on. After working a full day, I journey home, try to prepare a somewhat healthy home-cooked meal, practice the songs for my band and write new music, do some kind of work-out and then write. Unfortunately, I have to sleep too. There are so many other things I would like to fit in. Today I will be working out at probably 12:30 am. I completed my music and now to my writing. I think I need to figure out how to write music and my book in my sleep. I have actually written music in my dreams before, but I struggle on remembering the details when I wake up. If I could just figure out how to create (and remember) while asleep, I would accomplish much more, ha!
Ah dreams...they have been invading my sleeping space to the maximum the last few months. I have about 20 pages of dreams I have written down in the last two months. The most I have ever had. I believe my unconscious has some important messages for me right now. I have a whole page of recurring symbols that I've noticed in just those last two months. I try to interpret them, but it is tough. I took a Jungian dream analysis course during my undergrad studies, but it is still very difficult to understand dream symbolism. Why can't I just dream what I need to know in a straight forward manner? I guess then it wouldn't have the same depth, mystery and learning experience, would it? The universe doesn't speak that way or teach that way.
I suppose since this is an introduction, I can add a few details about myself. I moved from Iowa to Colorado at the age of 12. I had a rough childhood. I feel somewhat guilty saying that, because I always had a roof over my head and food to eat (with a little assistance from family and the government). I believe we here in the US are quite spoiled in the grand scheme of things and so stating I had a rough childhood is difficult for me, considering there are people dying in wars, children dying of starvation and disease, and things taking place across this world that seem completely unfathomable to those of us who have never experienced such things. I guess I could say I had an emotionally rough childhood. Music and writing became my best friends and helped me through the tough times. Then college kept me focused for seven more years. I obtained my master's degree in transpersonal psychology at Naropa University, which forever changed my life. I suffered through a full year of meditation, I wasn't fond of it. Sitting on a cushion, forced to be with yourself, with your thoughts in complete silence can be a rude awakening...but an awakening none the less. That is the point. I have a strong passion for the earth and the human-earth connection. I loved my ecopsych and deep ecology courses. I eventually taught the ecopsych course with another instructor at Naropa, as well as the service learning courses. I learned more about myself and other people in that time, than any other time in my life thus far. I am thankful beyond measure for the experiences I had as a student and a teacher, both of which are one and the same. The amount of compassion I witnessed was humbling beyond words. I miss teaching and I need to find a way to do it again, it is a true passion of mine, especially in ecopsych. After all, our connection and relationship to the earth defines how we treat her, how we care for her, and in turn, how she cares for us. Right now, overall, I feel our relationship to her is quite broken, and I am just as guilty as anyone (more on that in another blog).
I try to spend as much time in nature as I can. In the winter I enjoy cross-country skiing and snowshoeing. In the summer I enjoy camping and hiking Colorado's highest peaks. I also enjoy road trips and journeys to places I've never been. There are so many magical and beautiful places. I lived in the city for many years and finally decided it was not where I was happy, so I moved to the mountains. I can see the stars and milky way at night, I can hear the whispers and howls of the wind, I can hear snow fall...mountain people are very different than city people, I feel at home here.
I'm looking forward to writing here. Some of what I say may be offensive to some who read it. I can be very blunt and sometimes cuss like a sailor. I look forward to sharing thoughts, ideas and emotions. I look forward to hearing others' thoughts and opinions. Writing, whether it be poetry, music or written word, is so powerful. When we share our deepest thoughts and feelings and read those of others, we often find a deep connection in our shared humanity. And in our differences, we learn about ourselves and others, creating a mirror reflecting our own thoughts, ideas and emotions.
~Namaste~
Time management is not my thing, nor is organization. I have a million interests and not enough time. It is impossible, so unfortunately, I have to pick and choose what to spend my time on. After working a full day, I journey home, try to prepare a somewhat healthy home-cooked meal, practice the songs for my band and write new music, do some kind of work-out and then write. Unfortunately, I have to sleep too. There are so many other things I would like to fit in. Today I will be working out at probably 12:30 am. I completed my music and now to my writing. I think I need to figure out how to write music and my book in my sleep. I have actually written music in my dreams before, but I struggle on remembering the details when I wake up. If I could just figure out how to create (and remember) while asleep, I would accomplish much more, ha!
Ah dreams...they have been invading my sleeping space to the maximum the last few months. I have about 20 pages of dreams I have written down in the last two months. The most I have ever had. I believe my unconscious has some important messages for me right now. I have a whole page of recurring symbols that I've noticed in just those last two months. I try to interpret them, but it is tough. I took a Jungian dream analysis course during my undergrad studies, but it is still very difficult to understand dream symbolism. Why can't I just dream what I need to know in a straight forward manner? I guess then it wouldn't have the same depth, mystery and learning experience, would it? The universe doesn't speak that way or teach that way.
I suppose since this is an introduction, I can add a few details about myself. I moved from Iowa to Colorado at the age of 12. I had a rough childhood. I feel somewhat guilty saying that, because I always had a roof over my head and food to eat (with a little assistance from family and the government). I believe we here in the US are quite spoiled in the grand scheme of things and so stating I had a rough childhood is difficult for me, considering there are people dying in wars, children dying of starvation and disease, and things taking place across this world that seem completely unfathomable to those of us who have never experienced such things. I guess I could say I had an emotionally rough childhood. Music and writing became my best friends and helped me through the tough times. Then college kept me focused for seven more years. I obtained my master's degree in transpersonal psychology at Naropa University, which forever changed my life. I suffered through a full year of meditation, I wasn't fond of it. Sitting on a cushion, forced to be with yourself, with your thoughts in complete silence can be a rude awakening...but an awakening none the less. That is the point. I have a strong passion for the earth and the human-earth connection. I loved my ecopsych and deep ecology courses. I eventually taught the ecopsych course with another instructor at Naropa, as well as the service learning courses. I learned more about myself and other people in that time, than any other time in my life thus far. I am thankful beyond measure for the experiences I had as a student and a teacher, both of which are one and the same. The amount of compassion I witnessed was humbling beyond words. I miss teaching and I need to find a way to do it again, it is a true passion of mine, especially in ecopsych. After all, our connection and relationship to the earth defines how we treat her, how we care for her, and in turn, how she cares for us. Right now, overall, I feel our relationship to her is quite broken, and I am just as guilty as anyone (more on that in another blog).
I try to spend as much time in nature as I can. In the winter I enjoy cross-country skiing and snowshoeing. In the summer I enjoy camping and hiking Colorado's highest peaks. I also enjoy road trips and journeys to places I've never been. There are so many magical and beautiful places. I lived in the city for many years and finally decided it was not where I was happy, so I moved to the mountains. I can see the stars and milky way at night, I can hear the whispers and howls of the wind, I can hear snow fall...mountain people are very different than city people, I feel at home here.
I'm looking forward to writing here. Some of what I say may be offensive to some who read it. I can be very blunt and sometimes cuss like a sailor. I look forward to sharing thoughts, ideas and emotions. I look forward to hearing others' thoughts and opinions. Writing, whether it be poetry, music or written word, is so powerful. When we share our deepest thoughts and feelings and read those of others, we often find a deep connection in our shared humanity. And in our differences, we learn about ourselves and others, creating a mirror reflecting our own thoughts, ideas and emotions.
~Namaste~
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